Taking advice

Little by little I am forgetting how many days have gone by and trying to focus on other things.



     I am buckling down and taking five classes this coming up semester and I am working at the church again. I love being back in the comfortable environment of home, but I miss being in Texas with all my sweet friends. I was told to take special time for myself by eating dinner with friends or getting a pedicure (sounds good enough to me =D.) The best advice given is to set little goals..like Ashton's birthday, Christmas, and then ill be halfway. That makes me excited.

The Foot Book

      Deployment is a constant roller coaster of emotions for me, that is without even turning on the news. I find myself constantly beside wither my cell phone or laptop. 95% of the time it is both. With all the waiting and anticipation I find myself sinking into sadness.

     
      After not getting a call at my "normal" time. Mandy and I got dressed and headed to Dothan for Maddy's doctor appointment. I had been expecting a package from Ashton for days. He told me he had made a DVD for Maddy and it came with the same book he had read. Well as we were pulling out of the driveway I stopped to check one last time before we left and to my surprise it was there!!

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     I was just excited to see his kindergartner handwriting on the package, but the best part was the excitement on my 9 month old's face when the DVD started playing. She just looked at me in disbelief and said Dada.


Oh and by the way I got a call at 3am. Not the "normal" time but ill take it.

Constant waiting.

    The saying is hurry up and wait. I try and remind myself that it isnt the easiest thing to do for this impatient girl who has a 9 month old she is keeping up from her nap to talk to Dada. (Which leads to an annoyed and very tired momma) I try and remember it is not an easy task on Ashton's end. He is the one dealing with internet connection..or the lack of..and walking five or ten minutes away to find the place with the "good" connection. Skype can be my best friend and my worst enemy, but his phone calls keep me going.

     

This is the picture that I got today. This is why I will postpone everything I have or need to do to sit in front of a computer sreen to wait and see the little orange sqaure in the bottom right of my screen say " Ashton Cutts is online". =)

Not making promises

      I'm writing for my personal and mental state mostly, but if it helps give insight of working through my husband's deployment then why not. I am not making promises that this will be an every day blog. If I write once a week I would be happy with myself.
     
      With saying that, today is day 7. People say don't count the days because it is only wishing time away, but I am 7,424 miles away from the love of my life. Every second I spend wishing he were here to watch our child grow with me or I am spending thinking about his safety. I will say that this week has flown and I am praying they are all this quick.

      Many do not know though that the morning after Ashton boarded the plane I had to have surgery. The Wednesday before he left I went for a check at my OB-GYN. I was 10 weeks pregnant with our second child..so we thought..but they couldn't find a heartbeat, which lead to a D&C Monday afternoon. I went into surgery alone, because my wonderful sister flew out the night before to take care of Maddy. But I am alive and still saying everything happens for a reason.

          I decided I would move back to Alabama and work on school and be around all my loved ones for support. It seems to be getting a little easier to manage life around waiting on a phone call even though I wish it was waiting for a front door to open. I miss my husband and am praying for his safety and comfort. He has a duty and I will have to live with that for another 358 some odd days. =)